How to Cope With a Child With a Disability
A guide for mums who want to be strong for their child without losing themselves.
If you’re a mum raising a child with a disability, coping isn’t about being stronger. It’s about understanding what you’re carrying, why you feel stretched thin, and how to regain clarity on the days that fall apart. This guide offers emotional understanding and practical strategies that help you feel capable again.
When coping becomes your whole life
There was a season where my entire world narrowed into two things: caring and coping. I wasn’t thinking about the future anymore. I wasn’t planning or dreaming. I was simply trying to get through each unpredictable day without falling apart.
How I Went From Stuck in a Rut to Rebuilding Myself Again
There was a season not long ago where I felt like I was disappearing inside my own life. I was holding everything together for my son — the appointments, the seizures, the hearing loss, the decisions, the professionals, the plans that kept shifting — yet somewhere inside all of that responsibility, I couldn’t find myself anymore.
I didn’t realise at the time that I wasn’t actually coping — I was absorbing everything. The appointments, the hearing loss, the seizures, the behaviour challenges, the professionals, the waiting lists, the “he should be progressing faster” conversations — all of it layered over me until it felt like I had nothing left for myself.
And I remember quietly wondering if it was supposed to feel this heavy, because no one else seemed to be falling apart the way I was.
It took me a long time to understand that nothing was wrong with me. I wasn’t weak and I wasn’t failing. I was carrying a load most parents will never experience.
And if you’re reading this, you probably are too.
Why coping feels different for parents raising a child with a disability
Most people cope with a stressful moment.
Parents like us cope with an entire lifestyle of unpredictability.
Everything changes without warning.
Everything requires a decision.
Everything matters.
You are always “on”.
That level of vigilance slowly stretches you thin, even if you’re capable, organised, intelligent, and deeply committed to your child’s needs. It’s not that you’re bad at coping — it’s that coping has overtaken your entire identity, and that’s where the emotional toll begins.
The turning point: when I realised coping wasn’t the goal
For a long time, I believed coping meant putting my child first every single time, staying strong no matter how drained I felt, pushing through days that didn’t go to plan, and doing whatever it took to keep everything together.
But coping is not the same as living.
And coping is not the same as being capable.
The real shift happened when I admitted, quietly and honestly:
“I can’t keep disappearing inside the caring. I need something that brings me back to me.”
Not instead of caring.
Not separate from caring.
But alongside it — inside it — because of it.
That’s when I began rebuilding myself in tiny, intentional moments rather than through dramatic life changes. Those small moments helped me feel like I was no longer being swallowed by the chaos.
And that’s what I want to walk you through now.
How to cope with a child with a disability (in a way that doesn’t drain you)
These aren’t textbook coping strategies. These are lived-in, realistic, emotionally grounded shifts that work in the real world — the world of school calls, therapy sessions, big emotions, meltdowns, sleep regressions, and days that change without warning.
1. Understand your load instead of pushing through it
You can’t cope with what you haven’t acknowledged.
Most mums raising children with disabilities underestimate how heavily they’re carrying — the emotional labour, the advocating, the decision fatigue, the medical or behavioural complexities, the constant troubleshooting, the fear of what’s next, the pressure to “do everything right,” and the juggling of siblings, work, and relationships.
You’re not failing.
You’re overloaded.
Naming the load doesn’t make it heavier.
It finally makes sense.
2. Stop waiting for the ‘right time’ to look after yourself
Your season will not magically “settle down.”
Your child’s needs will not pause.
The perfect window of time will not suddenly appear.
Coping becomes easier when you stop waiting for life to become easier. You learn to grow inside the reality you already have — not the one you’re hoping for.
3. Create one small moment in the day that belongs to you
This is the part most mums underestimate because they assume small doesn’t matter — but it absolutely does.
You need a moment that is chosen, not reactive, even if it is only one minute.
You don’t need journalling, meditation, or an hour of quiet.
You simply need one intentional moment that reminds you that you are more than just the responder, the organiser, the advocate, or the support system.
This is where your sense of capability begins to rebuild itself.
4. Use a simple structure to regain clarity on chaotic days
When your nervous system is stretched thin, your brain cannot hold everything at once. That’s why so many mums end the day feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or like they achieved nothing — even when they’ve spent the entire day caring for everyone else.
A structure helps you cope not by organising your tasks, but by organising your mind.
My structure is the Clarity Tool to Realign Your Focus on Hard Days, the tool I use on the days when everything falls apart. It helps you see what needs to be done, reduce the noise, identify what truly matters today, and carve out one tiny line for your own goals — even on the hardest days.
Nothing fancy.
Just clarity.
What coping can feel like when it’s not draining you
You feel calmer even when life stays busy.
You feel clearer even when the day keeps changing.
You feel more capable even when progress is slow.
You begin to feel like yourself again — not separate from your caring role, but strengthened inside it.
Coping doesn’t become easier because your child needs less.
It becomes easier because you stop losing yourself while meeting their needs.
If you’re here, you’re already coping better than you think
You’re not behind.
You’re not alone.
And you’re not expected to carry this without support.
If any part of this landed with you, there’s a simple next step that will help you today — not someday when things get easier.
Get my free Clarity Tool to Refocus
This is the exact tool I created in the middle of my own overwhelm.
A simple, one-page structure that helps you clear your mind, calm your nervous system, see what matters today, and carve out one small line for your own goals.
It’s not a planner.
It’s not a journal.
It’s not a routine.
How to Realign Your Focus on Hard Days When You're Raising a Child With a Disability
When you’re raising a child with a disability, the hard days don’t arrive with warning.
It’s a way to feel capable again on the days that pull you in every direction.
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